Choose To Forgive

forgive Choosing to forgive is one of the foundational steps a person must take in order to see a turn-around in their life.

Yet, there are many reasons you might hold on to unforgiveness.

Read the list of suggestions I have and ask God if any of these apply to you.

Allow the Holy Spirit to help you walk through these reasons so you can get free today!!!

1. You still feel emotional pain

2. There seems to be no justice in forgiveness

3. You’re waiting for someone to be sorry

4. The offense doesn’t make sense

5. You feel like it is too hard

6. You think forgiving always must equal forgetting

7. You think forgiveness always equals reconciliation

8. Letting go seems scary

9.  You might have to give up being right

10. The person will only do it again

11. I’ve tried and it didn’t work

12. I do not feel like forgiving

Unfortunately, none of these reasons justifies the unwillingness to forgive. If you struggle with any of these reasons for not forgiving then I encourage you to ask God to help you let go. The freedom you will gain is undeniable!

I say, “Remember the cross. If Jesus can, by choice die on the cross for your forgiveness, then you can by choice, die to your belief that you can’t forgive”.

UnHooked! 7 Steps To Emotional FreedomIf you are living a heart of unforgiveness due to the impact of a past traumatic experience, then feel free to check out my book. “UnHooked! 7 Steps To Emotional Freedom“.  I especially wrote the book for women who have experienced childhood sexual abuse,  suffer from after abortion distress, or who have come out of some sort of relational abuse.

Your Voice: Do you resonate with any of these reasons?  Which one seems to have the tightest hold on your heart? Have you found ways to overcome unforgiveness? Please feel free to share your struggle or your victories in this area.  Your story may help someone along in their journey!

Join me for the “Why Can’t We Just Get Along?” Telephone Workshop

A while back I offered a  FREE 3- part video teaching
entitled, “Why Can’t We Just Get Along? Change Your
Relating Style, Change Your Life”
.  In this teaching I
shared on 3 KEY PRINCIPLES for healthy boundary
setting.

The first video talked about KNOW OTHERS:
I shared how to understand the four common relating
styles and how knowing this could help you not to personalize someone else’s stuff.

The second video talked about KNOW YOURSELF:
Here I asked you to reflect on yourself, and determine
what you need and want in your relationships.

The third video talked about KNOW HOW TO SAY WHAT YOU NEED:
I taught how learning to speak assertively can better the chance that you will heard
and understood by others.

You can learn how to fully implement these 3 KEY PRINCIPLES in the
upcoming one-day virtual telephone workshop. I will be going into more detail
on how you can apply these principles to any relationship. Once these 3 KEY PRINCIPLES are established you have greater input into how your relationships
will impact you.

If you find yourself relating the following way OR there are others treating you the following way, then this workshop is for you:

- Takes disappointments out on others (especially close loved ones)
- Wants everything perfect
- Feels “used” in relationships
- Feels invalidated by others
- Feel others “set you up” to fail
- Use intimidation or anger to gain control of the situation (especially close loved ones)
- Struggles with self-worth
- Lives in fear
- Does not have a clear picture of what is wanted in life
-  Are “walked over”, intimidated, or manipulated

Join me for this interactive and practical workshop that will help you:

Know Others
Know Yourself
Know How To Ask For What You Need

The cost is only $50

This includes:
- Downloadable worksheets
- Access to a private FB group for all participants
- Access to me throughout the day

DATE:  Saturday, April 26, 2014
TIME: 9 am (pacific) to 4:30 pm (pacific).
LOCATION:  Any where you can access a telephone and/or computer (for downloads and FB group)
[ this link will explain how the virtual workshop works if you have never participated in one before].

To learn more about the details and register please go here

(http://www. unhooked7stepstoemotionalfreedom.com/whycantwejustgetalong)

I am looking forward to talking with you Saturday, April 26, 2014!

8 WARNING SIGNS OF UNHEALTHY BOUNDARIES

8 WARNING SIGNS OF UNHEALTHY BOUNDARIES

Boundaries. We all need them and we all have them. Yet, not everyone lives out healthy boundaries. Life is made up of boundaries…some other-imposed and some self-imposed. Healthy boundaries provide emotional and physical safety for us. When these are in place we have the best opportunity to live our life to the fullest for God. But when these boundaries are crossed over, non-existent, or selfishly enforced on us, then life becomes difficult, stressed, or even seemingly hopeless.

In my years of working with women, I have seen that many of them have not connected life struggles to boundary issues. Numerous women are simply not able to see past their life situation at the moment, or they may not have an understanding of what red flags to look for.

I am going to touch on eight possible indicators that you might be living with unhealthy boundaries. Using the acronym BOUNDARY, my hope is that these markers will be a starting point for you to begin evaluating your own personal boundaries.

BAWLING: Ugh, those dreaded tears! “Why do they always show up at the most inopportune time?” “I don’t even know why I am crying…it seems unreasonable!” Have you ever said these statements to yourself? The bottom line is that when you are feeling walked over, unappreciated, not listened to, or constantly fighting for any forward movement, life can get to you. And that means those tear ducts can begin to overflow. Tears themselves, are not a problem. Instead, this can be an excellent opportunity for you to uncover the meaning behind them. If you find yourself consistently on the verge of tears, or crying often, reflect on what they are saying. The message will likely be loud and clear.

OVERWHELMED:Life is too tough.” “Why doesn’t anything ever work out the way I want?” “How did my life get so out of hand?” Have you ever heard these statements come out of your mouth? Overwhelmed people have not taken full ownership of what does, and does not, enter their life [of course, this is within reason, as some things are out of our control]. I have a saying, “Own your life, don’t let your life own you.” God gave you this life and He has plans for you to accomplish. What things are not working out for you? In what ways is life too tough? What parts of your life seems out of hand? Be specific. Then tackle each area with the knowledge that you have permission to own your life.

UNORGANIZED: Face it, when you are not really certain what you want to happen in your day, you often accomplish just what you shoot for…. nothing. I am not necessarily meaning you are unorganized in your paperwork, house work, business responsibilities etc. [although my guess is that plays into your troubles]. I am talking about being unorganized in your daily expectations and desired accomplishments. I am talking about being unorganized in your heart and mind. It is about being confused about what you want, or what you think you are allowed to dream for. Decide to get an organized heart and mind. Carve out time to develop that “bucket list” and then get busy and organize for it to happen. Write it out, pen it [versus pencil it] into your calendar, and schedule change into your life.

NUMB: Sometimes it just seems easier to shut yourself off emotionally, mentally, relationally and spiritually. “Better to live numb, then feel so much pain” is often a way women cope with all the messy stuff that life brings. Yet, being numb does not change the truth of your problems. Instead it only smoke screens the pain so you can tell yourself it is not there. Make an intentional decision to deal with hurt, pain, loss, or poisonous relationships. Start feeling. Face the negative and embrace the positive. Be certain you are developing your love relationship with Christ also, as He gives you the strength you need to put foundational actions into place for all the other parts of your life.

DOUBTING: Self-doubt is a paralyzer. It puts a person in a flux. It has the power to get you to change your mind, even when your decision is acceptable and reasonable. Women who live in unhealthy boundaries do not trust themselves. Yet, women who are assertive do not live a life of doubt. They live a life of certainty. They know what they want and they respectfully reach for that outcome. Examine your self-doubts. Who told you “no” to your ideas, dreams, and hopes? What you believe is what you will live out. Know where your beliefs come from and whether they are a truth or a lie.

ABUSED OR ABUSIVE: People relate to others in four common ways: passively, aggressively, passive-aggressively, and assertively. Only the assertive relating style provides people with the emotional and physical safety they are warranted in life. The other three relating styles steal self-worth from you, force low self-worth onto you, or manipulate self-worth from you. Learn about how you allow others to treat you, or how you are treating others. This understanding alone can change the direction of your life [I offer teaching on this topic at www.unhooked7stepstoemotionalfreedom.com].

RESISTANT TO INPUT: Ok, so I know this might sound a bit of a judgmental statement, but most often women with unhealthy boundaries are quite unteachable. This is not always about pride [although that could be one reason] but likely it is because these women are fearful of change. Change requires responsibility, and responsibility requires assertive courage. Yikes, that can be scary and hard work. Consider taking an inventory about your willingness to let others “speak into your life.” If you discover you have been resistant to some good advice, then dig deeper into why this might be happening. Self-evaluation is key to self-growth.

YEARNING FOR A FULLER LIFE: I know exactly what this feels like. For me, it was horrible. At one time I felt so empty, unloved, and lonely. I wanted something more to life, but to be honest with you, I just did not know how to get it. Thanks be to God that my life is not like that anymore! I now live a full life [not the same as trouble-free, of course] and could not be more grateful for the change. I changed my boundaries. It started with my spiritual boundary. Accepting Christ into my life was the healthiest boundary I ever set. I was no longer living without God. Not only did I receive unconditional love and hope, I found out that I did not have to “fix” all this boundary stuff single-handedly. God would help, and He would bring others into my life to help give me direction. The rest is history. As I matured, I began to establish healthy boundaries in my life by becoming aware of the red flags, therefore making a deliberate choice to reach for a more fulfilling life. Seek for that fulfilling life if it is something you want. Learn how to fill your empty yearning. You won’t regret getting ownership of your life back so you can live a deep and rich life.

Seed for thought: Which one of these eight signs resonated with you? What is one thing you can to do to begin bringing a change and set a healthier boundary in that area? What difference do you think that change will make in your life?

I’d love to hear how you have answered the above questions. Feel free to comment or leave thoughts and questions on this post. If you are looking for further assistance in empowering yourself to begin these changes please feel free to email me at kariscounsel@gmail.com.

Challenge Your Sex Life: When Childhood Sexual Abuse Attempts To Steal Your Marriage Bed

Do you ever feel frustrated, ripped off, or overwhelmed that you do not enjoy sex like all the experts claim you can? Sex is more than the body, more than the emotions, more than the beliefs, and more than just the experiences. It is a combination of them all. When one aspect is marred or sabotaged, it has the potential to seep into the whole sexual experience. That is how childhood sexual abuse can impact your marriage bed. Yet, I am here to encourage you that you can take back what was stolen from you because of the sexual abuse. You can challenge the norm of your sex life!

I’ve come a long way in my own healing. This healing has happened mostly because I have worked hard at challenging my sex life. I want to share three challenges that have helped me find hope and healing, which in turn has been a great blessing to me, and I might add, to my husband.

Challenge The Guilt: Yep, I’ve been there more than once. I will be reading a very good book on how to enhance my sex life and then feeling just terrible that I cannot seem to get into the mindset or behavior that the book or article stresses will be a key to having a more vibrant and fulfilling intimate experience with my husband.

Don’t get me wrong. I really like the information that is given. I can even imagine myself being able to put into practice some of the suggestions. Yet, I must admit that there are times when I get stopped in my tracks. It just does not seem to go the way the book said it should. Numerous emotions flood my heart and there might even be times where I’ve been tempted to say, “Why bother?”

Don’t let guilt overrule you. No, perhaps you are not in a place in your life where sex with your husband is like the stories you are hearing other women are experiencing. But just be careful how you respond to that disappointment. You see, guilt breeds shame. Shame breeds retreating. Retreating breeds hopelessness and self-hate.

Ask God to help you put your struggles into perspective. Accept His grace to believe in yourself, in spite of this situation. Don’t allow guilt to demean you.

Challenge The Anger: This is not the same as suggesting you don’t feel anger for what happened to you as a child. The problem with letting anger reside in your heart and mind is that you become a victim to the impact of the trauma. Yes, you were victimized (and it is ludicrous to expect you to minimize this), but allowing anger to burn in your heart about the experience just deepens bitterness and helplessness.

Not only that, you can also become a hardened person, and often, will not even recognize it. I know more than one man who lives with a “cantankerous woman”. Yikes, l am saddened to admit I might have fit into that category at one time myself!

Instead of feeding anger, use it as your ally to motivate you to deal with the impact of the abuse.

Challenge The Comparisons: Ever thought or said, “Oh if only I could have a sex life like so and so says she has (or writes about). What is wrong with me that I can never measure up and be that kind of wife for my husband?” Stop right there. Comparing yourself to others is a formula for self-destruction. I think the principle in Galatians 6:4 teaches us that we should test our own actions against ourself, not against others.

So, instead of saying, “Why can’t I be like her?” or “Why can’t I respond like she says she does?” look at what you are doing now. Is your intimacy deeper and healthier than it has been in the past? Have you attempted to apply new or different principles to enhancing your response to sex? Yahoo! You are on the right path then.

Use what you read and hear others say as a tool to help you develop motivation towards a healthy movement forward, not as a yardstick of where you think you have fallen short of the mark. Besides, I can say with high certainty that no one got to, what they say is the pinnacle of their sex life, overnight. They had their own road to travel, and you have yours. Be okay with that.


web-230px_368px_UnHooked Front CoverOne thing I know for certain is that you must deal with the impact of your childhood sexual abuse if you desire wholeness. Sweeping it under the proverbial rug, minimizing it’s impact, or even refusing to acknowledge something had happened to you will not bring the healing you need. I have a desire to help you get “unhooked” from that past story and that is why I wrote “UnHooked! 7 Steps To Emotional Freedom”. This is a book that will help you walk through your healing so you can find freedom and live your best life possible. Check it out. It might just be the answer to the prayer you have been seeking God for!
Please feel free to post your thoughts, ideas or questions in this post. I would love to get your feedback.

6 INDICATORS THAT YOUR CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE EXPERIENCE MIGHT STILL BE IMPACTING YOU AS AN ADULT

There are numerous quotes encouraging us to put the past behind and live in the present. This is a positive thing to strive for.

Yet, what if you just do not know how to do this?

You know (or have a nagging thought) that a past trauma in your life is impacting you in your present life yet you cannot seem to figure out how to get “unhooked” from it.

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6 INDICATORS THAT YOUR CHILDHOOD SEXUAL ABUSE EXPERIENCE MIGHT STILL BE IMPACTING YOU AS AN ADULT

1. You are struggling with depression off and on throughout your life

2. You find it difficult to trust…especially men (this might include your husband)

3. You live in anxiety and fear… of making mistakes, of the future, of the present, of being abandoned

4. You struggle to have a fulfilling sex life with your husband

5. You second guess yourself, under-estimate yourself, and sometimes even feel like you hate yourself

6. Anger feelings often “rise up” in regards to how you feel about your life situations. This can be in your marriage, in your parenting, in your work, in your friendships, or in your church.

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If you resonated with any (or all) of these points then I am here to encourage you.

There is HOPE to find freedom from the impact of what has happened to you! Join me on a journey of healing and freedom in the UnHooked! 7 Steps To Emotional Freedom online coaching support group.

Let  me tell you a bit about my own story…

I was feeling worn out, very disappointed in myself, and embarrassed. I mean, here I was, a fairly well-rounded woman, yet being held hostage by the affects of my past experiences. I look back now and wonder how I ever made it. God must have had His hand of grace on me for He put people and positive circumstances in my life, which has been a catalyst that has brought me to where I am today.

The biggest changes came when I started acknowledging that my past experiences had indeed, impacted my life. Before I began to do this, I tended to deal with my pain in three ways… ignore it (by pacifying it with “things that made me feel good”), explode into fits of anger and blaming, or slip into a depression.

It’s not even that I was some “off-the-wall” woman (although I often told myself I was). I mean, I was a mother, a wife, a student, an employee, and yes, a Christian (since 1982). I could run the affairs of my life fairly well, until “boom”, I’d get stuck in my tracks by overwhelming depression, self-hate, anger and despair. I’d somehow manage to “pull myself together” for a while, and then “wammo”; it would reappear in my life. There were times in my life when I even felt suicidal.

Yet, acknowledgement opened the door for me to re-evaluate my reactions and feelings about my life. As it turned out, I eventually found myself attending a seminary, and majoring in Marriage and Family Counselling. It was through my own counselling journey that I experienced freedom! This is one major reason I am certain counselling works… I have been there too! The therapist met up with the therapy!

Since then, I have committed myself to helping women gain freedom from their past pain. I have counselled numerous women who were just like I used to be. I soon recognized that I tended to counsel specific strategies over and over again, and women were being freed! Their story of struggle did not have to be the exact same as mine, yet I discovered that the steps towards healing were almost always the same.

Because of this, I decided it would be beneficial for women to have these strategies laid out for them in a step-by-step formulation so they could work on their issues and struggles. That is why I have written the Unhooked!7 Steps To Emotional Freedom book and developed the online coaching group.  My one-on-one counselling services, support groups, and teachings all support these foundational strategies.

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What Exactly Is The UnHooked! 7 Steps To Emotional Freedom Online Coaching Support Group?

Through this group (and the work you have done in the UnHooked! book) you will gain freedom from the impact of your past painful experience. This begins with you understanding what your losses are, what beliefs you hold, how you grieve, and the power of forgiveness.

Here is what the coaching support group covers:

Step 1: Acknowledge past experience: Too often a woman, unknowingly, lives in denial of the full impact of her story. Stepping out of denial begins the healing process.

Step 2: Recognize and feel feelings: Acknowledging emotions (whether you feel they are good or bad) will help you to begin clarifying your thoughts and feelings. Feeling them, will often teach you not to be fearful of emotions in general.

Step 3: Name the loss: A major step toward healing is to determine what was “taken away” because of your experience. You may already know the primary loss, yet there are numerous secondary losses that have not been acknowledged. You will be able to define these and learn to unhook them from your life.

Step 4: Understanding the grief cycle: You will learn the common components of grief, which may help normalize some of that emotional roller coaster you feel you are on.

Step 5: Challenge your beliefs: You bring the beliefs you held as a child into your present thinking and believing. Some are faulty. You will learn how to recognize and challenge the lies, and embrace the truth.

Step 6: Forgiveness: There are many reasons why it is hard to forgive and to take steps to choose forgiveness. You will be able to discover what may be holding you back and then be able to take the steps towards forgiving.

Step 7: Let go and live in today: You will be implementing strategies to keep you on track and stay living in the moment, so the past can no longer pull you back.

The primary goal of these 7 steps is to allow you be UNHOOKED from your past.

Go to the UnHooked! Support Group Information page to learn more about what this group consists of.  A group begins in January. Register early to receive a discount on the cost.

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TERRY SHARES ABOUT HER EXPERIENCE IN THE COACHING SUPPORT GROUP

The Unhooked! 7 Steps to Emotional Freedom coaching support group was an amazing journey.  Karen has a great sense of humour, is able to see the lies I believed, and helped me rethink the way I believe.  I’ve discovered things about myself, been taught what to do about them, and now feel that I am getting unhooked and growing in the LORD.

Karen has a passion to help women get unhooked from their past and is gifted in both writing and speaking.  Her book is easy to read and well laid out.  During the sessions, Karen’s gift of discernment helps tremendously as she listens to our stories and reads our posts.  She is able to spot the enemy’s lies a mile away.  Now I feel I am actually learning that too.

Early on in the book Karen asks if we ruminate.  I figured I pretty much had a handle on that.  However as the weeks progressed, ruminating proved to one of my hooks.  It is wonderful to know that I don’t have to live with that so called character trait for the rest of my life.

The concept of a Loss Pie is amazing. You will want to take the coaching group just to experience that.  I have worked through a couple of them and will take that skill with me now.  I’m excited to see what God will do through those experiences.

Karen’s teaching on forgiveness just blew me away.  It’s worth the admission and then some.  I had never heard that there were 2 kinds of hate and I definitely didn’t know how much passive hate I have lived with over the years.  I listened to her teaching and the next day the Holy Spirit started revealing more and more people that I hate.  This is a breakthrough for me.  I will never be the same. Praise the LORD!!!

Thank you Karen for your teaching, your love, and your care over these last numbers of weeks.

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Go to the UnHooked! Support Group Information page to learn more about what this group consists of.  A group begins in January. Register early to receive a discount on the cost.


Do You Need Boundaries In Your Relationships This Christmas?

Christmas is a wonderful time of the year. This is a time when we gather together with family and friends to celebrate the birth of Christ. Yet, not all our relationships with others are enjoyable. Conflict and strained relationships can tend to be more highlighted at this time of the year. Some of these relationships can be downright difficult.

Do you need to build healthy boundaries in your relationships? Join me on Dec 11, 2013 OR Dec 14, 2013 for the online virtual one day “UnHooking” Workshop: The Healthy Boundary.

Hebrews 12:14 says, “Work at living in peace with everyone, and work at living a holy life, for those who are not holy will not see the Lord”. How do you live this out when some people are just so hard to get along with? One of the struggles in relationships involves weak or non-existent boundaries in our lives, or in the other persons’ life.

Where you once felt “walked on”, you can now feel respected. Where you once experienced someone else’s “volcanic” anger, you can now learn how to protect yourself. Where you once felt manipulated, you can now have insight into how to be pro-active. Where you once dreaded facing relationships, you can now walk in more confidence that you can work towards having peace with others.

In this virtual online workshop you will:

  1. Learn the four relating styles (The Border Fence, The Brick Wall, The Electric Fence, and the Plexiglas),
  2. Gain a better understanding of where your anger comes from
  3. Recognize where you may not be taking full ownership of your life
  4. Learn a more assertive way to relate with people

This is a hands-on workshop. We will meet throughout the day (by phone) and I will teach on some aspect of boundary setting. You will then work on the questions I will provide (downloadable handouts) after we are off the phone. We will meet up again at a designated time (by phone) to share what God has been showing you, to ask questions, and to encourage the other participants. There will also be a private FB open that day so you can connect up with the other participants throughout the day.

If you are serious about facing your relationship “junk”, then this workshop will be of great benefit to you. It is offered at a reasonable cost, and the possible positive outcomes are priceless.

Learn more at http://www.unhooked7stepstoemotionalfreedom.com/virtualboundaryworkshopsignup

A New Perspective On Stress

We all experience stress.  Stress in itself is not necessarily a bad thing, but it can cause a disastrous pile up if a person does not control the speed in which it is coming at them.  Today Karen is going to share ways in which you can have a new perspective on stress.  She will talk about ways to reframe your stressful situations and be able to live Phil 4:6, which encourages Christians to not be anxious about anything.

Listen at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/kariscounsellingservices/2013/03/14/a-new-perspective-on-your-stress-management

How To Face Loss on the Woman To Woman Radio Show March 7 11:30 am (Pacific)

Join me on my live radio show today, March 7 at 11:30 am (Pacific)

Change.  Sometimes it can be a welcome blessing.
Yet not all change is welcome.  Life can sure change direction in a big hurry! Often times with these kinds changes come a sense of loss. It can be the loss of a dream, the loss of a relationship, the loss of a job, or even the loss of the certainty about the direction of your future. On today’s show I’m going to share with you some principles and ideas that you can apply to your experience of L.O.S.S.  Plus, I am going to encourage you to still believe that God is in control of your life, even if you felt it got out of your control!

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/kariscounsellingservices

HOW TO FACE LOSS

Change.  Sometimes it can be a welcome blessing.  Like the season from winter to spring! Who does not love the fresh air, the new buds on the trees, and the anticipation of freshness and newness of life?

Yet not all change is welcome.  Life can sure change direction in a big hurry! Often times with these kinds changes come a sense of loss. It can be the loss of a dream, the loss of a relationship, the loss of a job, or even the loss of the certainty about the direction of your future.

In today’s blog I’m going to share with you some principles and ideas that you can apply to your experience of L.O.S.S.  Plus, I am going to encourage you to still believe that God is in control of your life, even if you felt it got out of your control!

Although no one’s story of change and loss is exactly the same as someone else, it is likely that you are struggling with  similar emotions others have.  You may even be in the midst of trying to find closure to a change that has taken you for a loop.

Regardless of the change that has happened in your life you can find hope and acceptance for your future.  I am going to share some suggestions on how you can look at L.O.S.S. in a way that can speed up the impact of the grieving process so you can get moving fully in the new direction God has for your life.

L – LET GO

One of the hardest things to do when there is a change in your life (especially if you did not want the change to happen) is to learn to let go and look towards the future.  Letting go is more than saying,

“Ok, it’s over. I am moving on now”.  No, letting go is about freeing your heart.  It is about accepting a new direction. It is about acknowledging that the past is the past and you need to give yourself permission to go forward.

Actually, letting go can be really hard!  Not only do you need to let go of the actual situation, you also need to let go of the stories, any difficult memories, the words from others that were or were not said, your unfulfilled dreams, and the belief that this change is too painful to face.  Part of letting go also includes remembering all the good things, yet accepting that change is happening.

Letting go is vital for movement towards a new plan God has for you.  You can’t have your feet on both sides of the fence and really feel freedom.  You must get over to the other side of the fence with both feet and start praying, believing and visioning for your future.  Remember, God is with you no matter where you have gone or where you will go.

O – OBSERVE THE PRINCIPLES OF GOD’S WORD

During change (that can sometimes bring with it pain and confusion), your heart can become welled up with thoughts and ideas of how you want “that someone” to know how much you hurt.  Too often, it is in the midst of the loss that people forget the basic principles of God’s Word that teaches us how to treat others.  It can be in that painful and wounded part of the healing journey that you may want to “spew”  on others, just so you know you were heard.

My word of advice is, “Don’t do it”.

Find a healthy way to express your loss.  Find a safe place to speak about the pain.  It is better to restrain your verbal or behavioral outbursts and be able to lay your head on your pillow at the end of the day without regret, then having to backtrack after you have healed a bit and can now see your pain through a more positive light.

Don’t get me wrong, if you have been mistreated/misunderstood there is a place and time to express what the experience has meant to you.  It should just not come out like anger, rage, malice, bitterness, gossip, or hate.  These are examples of the puss of the pain.  That needs to be cleaned up first, so the real story can be shared in a way that will respect all involved.  This is where forgiveness must flow (I will be talking more about this on my upcoming radio show).

S- SHED THOSE TEARS

I know that some women find it difficult, embarrassing, or even wrong to cry.  Somehow tears seem to indicate weakness or evidence that you are “just not accepting the outcome”.  Hey, not true.  Sometimes tears can be healing.  They can help release the pain you don’t want to (or don’t  know how to) say with words.  Tears can give relief  both physically and emotionally. There might even be times when you think there is no way you can shed one more tear and out they come! Oh well, give them space.  They will subside over time.

Of course, you do need to watch out that you are not slipping into a depression and becoming paralyzed in your life about your situation.  That is quite different from the the normal tears that can come from grief.

To learn more about depression go to this link: http://mybestlifepossible.com/depression.php

S- SERVE GOD NO MATTER WHAT

No matter what happens in your life, NEVER let go of God!  Decide to sing those love songs to Him. Continue to trust Him. After all, He has never stopped loving you.  God is not your enemy! He always has your best interests in mind, even in the midst of change, pain, and loss.  Talk to Him everyday.  Get to know how He is helping you through this tough time. Life can be messy sometimes. People and situations let you down once in a while. God does not.  I say, “You are breathing anyway so you might as well keep your life in the right Hands”.

There is a need to heal from every change  that brings a loss. I have learned that the impact of the grieving  process can be shortened if you put these L.O.S.S. ideas into practice.  There is no value in staying in pain one day longer!

SEED FOR THOUGHT: Are you struggling to get both feet over to the same side of the fence?  What would it take for you to make this happen?

(Feel free to respond to this blog and share your thoughts and stories)

May God bless you as you journey towards complete healing.

In Him,

Karen

By the way, listen to my half hour Woman To Woman radio show on Thursday, March 7, 2013 at 11:30 Pacific as I share more on this topic. Here is the link:  http://www.blogtalkradio.com/kariscounsellingservices/2013/03/07/how-to-face-loss

P.S. Are you struggling with a past story that has you “hooked”.  Consider purchasing my newest book, UnHooked! 7 Steps To Emotional Freedom.  Go here to learn more: http://www.unhooked7stepstoemotionalfreedom.com/

Forgiveness: How It Can Free You From Pain (Woman to Woman Radio Show June 7, 2012)

Come join me on Thursday, June 7, 2012 at 11:30 AM (PST).

Welcome to the Woman To Woman call-in counselling radio show hosted by therapist, author, and speaker, Karen Wells.

TODAY’S SHOW:
Are you struggling to forgive someone?  Do you hold hurt and pain in your life?  Wouldn’t it be wonderful to find freedom from the impact of the experience?

On today’s radio show Karen will be sharing reasons why we may be withholding forgiveness and principles on how to let go, in spite of the experience.

www.blogtalkradio.com/kariscounsellingservices/2012/06/07/forgiveness-how-it-can-free-you-from-pain

ABOUT KAREN:
Karen provides TELEPHONE/SKYPE counselling to women who have been impacted by the affects of childhood sexual abuse, after abortion distress, or some form of relational abuse.  For more information go to www.mybestlifepossible.com.   Also learn about her books at www.unhooked7stepstoemotionalfreedom.com and www.evenwithmykneesknocking.com.